I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
