i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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