YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize