There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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