We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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