his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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