i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
