i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
