I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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