Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
did i just pee glitter
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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