Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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