Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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