He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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