Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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