Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
