there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
