I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
