i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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