you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
