i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
