Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
