I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
