my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
