if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
