Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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