3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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