wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
