Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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