People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
