My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
