Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize