: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize