I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
