I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize