That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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