Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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