Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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