Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
