After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
