She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
