mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
