she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize