When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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