your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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