I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
