I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
