I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
