Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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