I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
