Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
