i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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