So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
