so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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