She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
