New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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