I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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