apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
