bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
