Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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