I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
