Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
