were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize