i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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