u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
