no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
