I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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