i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
