I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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